Stabbed. Poisoned. Drowned. Hanged. Beheaded.
There are some gory ways to die in Shakespeare's plays. Even George R. R. Martin, the author of
Game of Thrones and the rest of the
A Song of Ice and Fire series admits that Shakespeare's kill-count exceeds the bloody world of Westeros, and I would have to agree with him! Here are some of the Bard's most cringe-worthy deaths:
10 - George, Duke of Clarence (Richard III)
Drowned in Wine
"You shall have wine enough, my lord, anon."
- 2nd Murderer
George seemed like an obstacle to his brother Richard in his plans for becoming the King of England. After convincing their elder brother, King Edward IV, that George was a threat, Richard had two murderers visit George's cell in the Tower of London. The murderers stab George and finish the job by drowning him in the "malmsey-butt" (approximately 252 gallons of wine) in the next room.
9 - Joan la Pucelle (Henry VI Part 1)
Burned at the Stake
"Break thou in pieces and consume to ashes,
Thou foul accursed minister of hell!"
- York
Shakespeare's Joan of Arc was hardly a saint. She is a skilled but cocky warrior who claims to be aided by the Virgin Mary but is actually assisted by demons. She insists she was nobly born, calling her Shepherd father a liar to his face. When she is sentenced to burn, she tries to save herself by switching her story: the virgin is now pregnant, and the question of who the father is turns into a scene to rival an episode of Maury Povich.
8 - Arcite (The Two Noble Kinsmen)
Crushed by his Horse
"Backward the jade comes o'er, and his full poise
Becomes the rider's load."
- Pirithous
Arcite and his cousin Palamon both love the noble Emilia (who can't choose between them), and since they are both technically prisoners of war, an agreement is made that they will have a fight. The winner lives and weds Emilia, and the loser will die. Arcite's victory over Palamon is short-lived, as his horse crushes him during his celebratory parade. Palamon is allowed to live and wed Emilia, since this seems to be the Gods' will.
7 - Desdemona (Othello)
Smothered
"Kill me tomorrow, let me live tonight!"
- Desdemona
Othello mistakenly believes that his lovely and loyal wife, Desdemona has been cheating on him with his subordinate, Michael Cassio. Iago, the criminal mastermind, works Othello up to a murderous rage using nothing but a handkerchief and manipulation. The jealousy that consumes Othello leads him to smother Desdemona in their bed (though the text never mentions a pillow). With her dying words, she claims Othello was blameless in her murder. When Othello realizes he's been tricked, he stabs himself and dies.
6 - Julius Caesar and Coriolanus, respectively
Stabbed by Conspirators
"Let's kill him boldly, but not wrathfully;
Let's carve him as a dish fit for the gods..."
- Brutus
"Cut me to pieces, Volsces, men and lads,
Stain all your edges on me."
- Coriolanus
Since their deaths are remarkably similar, I've decided that this one's a tie!
In Julius Caesar, despite warnings from a soothsayer and his wife, Calpurnia, Caesar goes to the Capitol and is stabbed repeatedly by Brutus, Cassius, Casca, and the other conspirators who fear he has grown too powerful.
A decorated war hero and elected official, Coriolanus loses favor in Rome due to his arrogance, hot temper, and inability to flatter. Upon being banished, Coriolanus joins with his former enemy, Aufidius and the Volsces, seeking revenge on Rome and its people. Coriolanus decides to spare Rome instead of sacking it when he has the chance, and the envious Aufidius labels him a traitor and convinces the Volsces to join him in stabbing Coriolanus to death.
5 - Portia (Julius Caesar)
Swallowed Fire
"With this she fell distract,
And (her attendants absent) swallow'd fire."
- Brutus
Portia is probably at least a little unstable to begin with. In Act II, Scene 1, she shows her husband, Brutus, that she has voluntarily given herself a wound on her thigh to show how tough she is so that he'll share his secrets with her. After killing Julius Caesar and inciting a civil war, Brutus hasn't been home in a long time, and his absence, coupled with the news of the strength of his allies, pushes Portia over the edge.
4 - Cloten (Cymbeline)
Beheaded
"With his own sword,
Which he did wave against my throat, I have ta'en
His head from him."
- Guiderius
The term "asshat" was invented for people like Cloten (though not by Shakespeare). This stupid, stinky, spoiled brat can't understand why his stepsister Imogen, who is already married, wouldn't want to marry him. He threatens to kill Imogen's husband and rape her... the dude has it coming. When he picks a fight with Guiderius, his head is separated from his body pretty quickly. He certainly isn't the only Shakespearean character to be beheaded - far from it - but it's a memorable exit for such a loathsome character.
3 - Aaron the Moor (Titus Andronicus)
Buried Alive
"Set him breast-deep in the earth and famish him,
There let him stand and rave and cry for food.
If any one relieves or pities him,
For the offense he dies."
- Lucius
Aaron the Moor is a wholly unrepentant criminal mastermind. He works with his lover, Tamora, to pick off members of Titus Andronicus' family one by one. This play is Shakespeare's most bloody, with murders, rape, mutilation, and people being baked into pies and fed to their mother at a dinner party. While most of the characters die by a blade, Aaron's anticipated slow death is unique.
2 - Antigonus (The Winter's Tale)
Eaten by a Bear
"I'll go see if the bear be gone from the gentleman and how much he hath eaten."
- Clown
Antigonus got the unenviable job of taking the king's infant daughter to a deserted place and abandoning her to the elements. Of course, he doesn't want to leave a baby alone to die in a storm, but the other option was throwing her in the fire. He lays down the baby, and then is chased offstage with Shakespeare's most famous stage direction:
Exit, pursued by a bear. In case we weren't sure of poor Antigonus' fate, the clown sees the bear enjoying his dinner, and comes in to tell his father (who found the baby) all about it.
1 - Cinna the Poet (Julius Caesar)
Torn Apart by an Angry Mob
"Tear him to pieces, he's a conspirator."
- 1st Plebeian
Unfortunately, there were two men named Cinna in Rome. Cinna the Poet is questioned by a group of Roman citizens, and when they find out his name is Cinna, they tear him limb from limb. The misguided Plebeians think he is the same Cinna that helped to murder Julius Caesar, and the innocent poet meets a grisly end.
Did any of these deaths surprise you?
Who do you think should have made the list?
Let me know in the comments!
Wanna step up your Shakespeare game?
